This is simply an example of long content. What better way to celebrate, than with quotes from Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (and a couple of deprecated HTML tags for that naustalgic effect).
Ricky Bobby:
I'm going fast again!
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
How fast is he going?
Lucius Washington:
26 miles per hour.
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
Shake and bake!
Jean Girard:
Is that a catchphrase or epilepsy?
[
repeated line]
Ricky Bobby, Cal Naughton, Jr.:
Shake and bake!
Schoolteacher:
Okay, next up is Ricky Bobby. Ricky, is your father here?
10-year-old Ricky:
No, ma'am. I haven't seen my daddy in years. But, my mama say he's out racing cars, and, well, dipping his wick in anything that moves.
Clbuttmates:
[
Laugh at what Ricky said]
Schoolteacher:
Okay, kids, that's enough. Were gonna move on to Brennan.
10-Year-Old Cal:
Don't pay them no mind, Ricky.
10-year-old Ricky:
Thanks, Cal. Shake and Bake. You'll be my best friend forever.
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
I wet the bed until I was 19. There's no shame in that.
Texas Ranger:
The teacher asked me what was the capital of North Carolina. I said Washington, D.C.
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
Bingo.
Ricky Bobby:
Nice.
Texas Ranger:
She said "No, you're wrong." I said "You got a lumpy butt." She got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants and I never did change my pee-pants all day. I'm still sittin' in my dirty pee-pants.
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There's no shame in that.
Texas Ranger:
Shut those mutts up before I cook 'em and eat 'em!
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
Did he just say "husband"?
Herschell:
Wow... Dennit hired a gay French guy as your teammate!
Ricky Bobby:
The room's startin to spin... cause of all the gayness. Cal... I love you
[
Ricky faints]
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
Ricky! OH GOD!
my grandchildren and you are raising them wrong. They are *terrible* boys!
Walker:
Shut up, Chip, or I'll go apes on your butt!
Texas Ranger:
I'm gonna scissor-kick you in the back of the head!
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
Yeah!
Ricky Bobby:
Yeah! Now turn up the heat!
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
Go on and get some, boys!
Ricky Bobby:
Come on!
Walker:
I'm ten years old, but I'll beat your butt!
Texas Ranger:
Chip, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
Like a spider monkey! Go on!
Ricky Bobby:
Chip, you brought this on, man.
Walker:
Greatest Generation my butt. Tom Brokaw's a punk!
Chip:
What is wrong with you?
Texas Ranger:
Chip, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!
Reese Bobby:
[
First lines in the movie and Reese is speeding] Guess how fast were going now.
Lucy Bobby:
[
screams] I don't care, I'm having a baby!
Reese Bobby:
Hundred and five miles an hour, you believe that?
Lucy Bobby:
[
in the beginning of the movie and Reese is speeding] Reese, you just pbutted the hospital!
Lucy Bobby:
[
They keep on driving] The baby's coming, he's coming now!
Reese Bobby:
All right, all right, hold on.
Lucy Bobby:
Okay, but i think he might be stuck.
Reese Bobby:
Grab onto something. Ready? One, two, three!
[
He slams the brakes and we hear ricky pop out of Lucy]
Lucy Bobby:
It's a baby boy.
Waffle House Manager:
[
it's career day at Ricky's school and a girl is introducing her father] I'm happy that Waffle House was okay with me coming here to talk to y'all about my day-to-day. And, y'all, that's pretty much, in a shell what it's like to manage a Waffle House. Ma'am, I don't know what else you want me to say to them. And I'm also gonna need to know where your commode's at.
Schoolteacher:
Okay, let's give him a round of applause. Thank you.
Reese Bobby:
[
walks into the clbuttroom] Excuse me, darling. I'm Reese Bobby. I'm here for career day with my son, Ricky.
10-year-old Ricky:
Dad!
Reese Bobby:
Hey there, boy! Man, you got big. How long's it been? Three, four months?
10-year-old Ricky:
Ten years.
Reese Bobby:
Ten years? Man, I gotta lay off the peyote.
[
puts a cigarette in his mouth]
Schoolteacher:
Mr. Bobby, there's no smoking in here.
Reese Bobby:
Oh, it's all right, darling, I'm a volunteer fireman. Okay, I am a semi-professional racecar driver and an amateur tattoo artist.
Clbuttmates:
OOO0HHHH!
Reese Bobby:
And the first thing you gotta learn if you're gonna be a racecar driver, is that you don't listen to losers like your know-it-all teacher here.
Schoolteacher:
Okay, I think that's enough.
Reese Bobby:
Your teacher wants you to go slow, and she's wrong because it's the fastest who get paid and it's the fastest who get laid.
Clbuttmates:
[
they all cheer]
Frank:
Will you people shut the hell up! I've got my wife trying to sleep in an oxygen tent over here!
Reese Bobby:
If you don't shut up I'm going to come rip a hole in that tent!
Texas Ranger:
Go shave your balls, you dusty old fart!
Lucy Bobby:
Yeah, Frank, SHUT UP!
Jean Girard:
My name is Jean Girard and I am a racing-car driver just like you except I am from Formula Un. I am the greatest one in the whole world. I have been following your career with great interest, Monsieur Bobby.
Ricky Bobby:
I can't understand a word you've said the whole time.
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
Did you eat some peanut butter or something?
Ricky Bobby:
Yeah, you sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth
Jean Girard:
I think what you are hearing is my accent. I am French.
Ricky Bobby:
You say you're French?
Jean Girard:
Oui.
[
sounds like 'We']
Ricky Bobby:
We? No, we are not French. We're American, because you're in America, okay? Greatest country on the planet
Jean Girard:
Well, what have you given the world apart from George Bush, Cheerios, and the ThighMaster?
Ricky Bobby:
Chinese food?
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
Chinese food.
Jean Girard:
That's from China.
Ricky Bobby:
Pizza.
Jean Girard:
Italy.
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
Chimichanga.
Jean Girard:
Mexican.
Ricky Bobby:
Really, smarty-pants? What did French land give us?
Jean Girard:
We invented democracy, existentialism, and the blowjob.
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
Those are three pretty good things.
Ricky Bobby:
Hey.
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
That last one's pretty cool
[
after crashing Ricky Bobby, and Starts to speed to the Finish Line]
Jamie McMurray:
See You! Wouldn't wanna be You!
Ricky Bobby:
Dear little baby Jesus, who's sittin' in his crib watchin the Baby Einstein videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my moma together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
I wet my bed until i was 19. No shame in that.
Walker:
My friends and I skipped school and we filled up a cup of pee and tried to get our neighbors dog to drink it. But he wouldn't
Walker:
Shut up in here I'm trying to sleep
Texas Ranger:
One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth
Jean Girard:
Will you be my... Katie Couric?
Jean Girard:
You taste of America.
Ricky Bobby:
Thank you.
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
[
On the telephone] Ricky, I think your house is haunted.
Ricky Bobby:
Cal, that is a new house! It just has a lot of creaks and moans and groans in it!
[
pauses]
Ricky Bobby:
Why the hell am I even talking to you anyway?
Ricky Bobby:
If you ain't first, you're last!
Susan:
Ricky Bobby is not a thinker! Ricky Bobby is a driver!
Ricky Bobby:
[
pauses] Susan, I've never heard you talk like this before!
Chip:
[
to Ricky Bobby] Are you just going to let your sons talk to their grandfather like this?
Ricky Bobby:
Hell yes I am! They are winners! That is how winners talk!
Carley Bobby:
If we wanted two wussies, we would have named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman!
Ricky Bobby:
[
after a girl flashes him] Please be 18.
Ricky Bobby:
Dear Lord baby Jesus, or as our brothers in the south call you,jesuz, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family. My two beautiful, beautiful, handsome stricking sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin' wife Carley, who is a stone cold fox.
Cal Naughton, Jr.:
mmm...
Ricky Bobby:
Dear tiny infant Jesus...
Carley Bobby:
Hey, um... you know sweetie, Jesus did grow up. You don't always have to call him baby. It's a bit odd and off puttin' to pray to a baby.
Ricky Bobby:
Well look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and I'm sayin grace. When you say grace, you can say it to grown up Jesus, or teenage Jesus, or bearded Jesus, or whoever you want.
Ricky Bobby:
Well, Let me give you a saying from Colonel Sanders. I am too drunk to taste this chicken
Ricky Bobby:
Well, I'm the best there is. Plain and simple, when I wake up in the morning I piss excellence.
Lucius Washington:
[
trying to remove a knife in Ricky's leg] Let's use this knife to pry it out!
Ricky Bobby:
Wow. I feel like I'm in Highlander!
Texas Ranger:
Old man, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!
Texas Ranger:
I'm all jacked up on mountain dew!
Texas Ranger:
One of you turds is gonna get smacked in the mouth!
[
very last lines after the credits]
Texas Ranger:
Great analysis Walker